Sleepless Musings

Ok ok, so I lied about updating more often the latter half of August, but really I haven't had much new to post about, though I've also been pretty busy for the most part.

Well...I still don't have anything really to post, but I'm kind of restless--thus, this blog entry. It's funny how I have a lot on my mind these days but really so little to write about on here. I'm not a big fan of reporting personal details of my life (friends, relationships, etc.), and that's really been the large part of my thoughts lately. Tonight especially. But, for the sake of there being nothing else to report and my discontent with the empty space in my blog from the past two weeks, I'll open up my mind a little bit for you...

Lately I've been feeling like I just don't have the ability to repair my broken relationships. I've burned so so many bridges in my life to this point, but I can't ever seem to put them back together. The worst is when it's someone that really means a lot to me, but I can't find the means (or balls?) to rekindle the relationship even if it's as simple as saying hi. I get scared I guess. And I'm not one to fear the future or the potential implications of a conscious decision. Which really makes it all the more frustrating for me.

All it takes most of the time is one call, or a 'hey, how are you?' But I can almost never bring myself to do this. I guess I need a push sometimes...or maybe I need to realize that there is too much to lose by letting an amazing person and a good friend disappear from my life altogether and just throw out everything that's keeping me from tearing down that wall...

Man I'm a little bitch sometimes.