Boiling Point

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

This is the most frustrated I've been in a while. Everything seems to be working against me, putting up these little bullshit walls in my way.

I only needed a few more weeks of work to get the money I need to begin making money in a way that doesn't kill me inside every day I go into work (i.e. poker--but I can't start without an initial bankroll, which I've been on the verge of reaching for what seems like ages but can't quite seem to reach because of numerous little thorns in my side), but now that's in question.

On top of that, I can't run for almost a month since my appointment with MGH's Sports Medicine branch isn't until the 24th (to get a full work-up and figure out a potential rehab plan for my constantly injured leg), as of tomorrow I will no longer have health insurance to cover that appointment, I have to sell my mattress and box spring by tomorrow morning but have yet to receive a single response even though I keep dropping the price, AND I don't have a place to live after September despite my desire to be in Boston til (at least) January.

I've been in great spirits for the better part of the past 3 months, but all of these set-backs are really starting to eat at me. I have a lot to strive for and look forward to in each regard, but at this point I'm starting to wonder if the cards are beginning to stack against me too high for me to get to find some sort of comfort zone by the end of September...

The next week will tell quite a lot.

I'm Not There

I finally saw "I'm Not There"--Todd Hayne's Bob Dylan "biopic" --for the first time.

Blown completely away. Why didn't I see this movie sooner? I almost don't want to see anything else by Haynes for fear it won't come close to reaching the highs of this movie. I feel a long, long Dylan/folk mood coming on very soon. Well, to be fair I feel I've been moving toward that recently anyway--I've been dying to delve into the work of Woody Guthrie, and a 54-song compilation just dropped which I can't wait to get my hands on.

I've always been a bigger fan of Dylan's early folkier stuff than some of his later work, but "I'm Not There" makes me think I should give the mid/late 70's stuff a longer look...especially the Basement Tapes and Rolling Thunder Revue-period Dylan. When I was watching the special features for "I'm Not There" and doing a little wiki-research, I found that the version of Dylan people had the biggest problem with was Richard Gere's Billy the Kid Dylan. For those of you who know me, it shouldn't come as a surprise that this was my favorite section of the movie (aside from maybe Cate Blanchetts'--but it's hardly fair to compare other parts to hers' I think...). The town of Riddle and all it's fantastical, post-Civil War/reconstruction period imagery just blew me away.

And one moment stuck out in particular: Gere goes to witness a funeral in the town square, where a man with a painted white face and Civil War get-up sings, along with a horn section accompanyment, an incredibly beautiful, haunting version of Dylan's "Goin' to Acapulco", from the Basement Tapes. So. Fucking. Good.

You really just need to see it though--the cover is great, as sung by My Morning Jacket's Jim James with accompanyment by the band Calexico, but the scene itself really just puts it over the top for me. One of my favorite cinamatic scenes in recent memory. Check it out below...

Ecstatic Reality Check

Well, this post was my lapse-of-thought, weak moment of the year. As I mentioned previously, I'm not one for delving into intimate detail of my personal life (though I wasn't very detailed in the post) or act sulky and defeated, so that was a rare glimpse into a darker side of my psyche when I can't focus my attentions and motivation. Certain people can always cut through my barriers and reach my insecurities, I guess...


I've been listening a lot to Mos Def lately. He's been one of my favorite MC's for a while now, but he hadn't really been relevant as a musician in a while. His latest album though, "The Ecstatic" (at left), is quickly becoming my favorite album of '09. It represents a return to form for Mos, as his last album was mired in record label disputes and displeasure--it really just sucked. I had been holding out the hope that the poor release was solely due to the problems I mentioned, and the release of "The Ecstatic" so completely and wonderfully confirmed this.

Musically, the beats and styles are all over the place, but in a great way that sees some of his best music since "Black On Both Sides." Some of the best (or my favorites at least) are "Supermagic," "Priority," "Life in Marvelous Times," and "History." "Priorty" in particular sticks out to me. It's very short at under a minute and a half, but I could seriously listen to the song on repeat and not get sick of it.

Really though, it's the album's themes and lyrics that truly make this album great for me. "Supermagic" begins with a sound bite of Martin Luther King, Jr., talking about the "miserable condition that exists" on our planet. I've been really interested in the life and work of MLK, Jr. lately, and "The Ecstatic" really encapsulates a lot of ideas about where our priorities, as humans--not black or white or rich or poor--should lie. Again, I come back to the song "Priority"--check it out. Lyrics follow...

Hey, top priority

Peace before everything
God before anything
Love before anything
Real before everything

Home before anyplace
Shoot before anything
Style and state radiate
Love power slay the hate

Truth killer, flakey face
Players say it to they face
Ain't afraid to major straight
Race at the table straight

Flow greatest like the greatest lakes
Capes all greatest states
Quiet water major waves

Steer the course make a way
And come ashore on a greater day
Home grown from the greatest grain
Full flavor in the native strain
Now put that on your brainy brain

Full exposure to favorite slang
Minimal wage and major gangs
Y'all seen them play the bait
Later night from day to day they came to play
We came to stay get out the way

Biotch sons buy heat rocks
Brooklyn finest, preservation to beat box
... detox
When we rock the people I respond priority

Peace before anything
God before everything
Love before anything
Real before everything

Home before anyplace
Shoot before anything
Style and state radiate
Love power slay the hate, priority
Love power

These lyrics resonate strongly with me. It's a quick, simple song with a sick beat, but it really hits its point..."Love power slay the hate, priority." Pretty much dead on.

On that note, I'm seeing Mos and Talib Kweli on the Ecstatic Tour on the 8th...so psyched.

Sleepless Musings

Ok ok, so I lied about updating more often the latter half of August, but really I haven't had much new to post about, though I've also been pretty busy for the most part.

Well...I still don't have anything really to post, but I'm kind of restless--thus, this blog entry. It's funny how I have a lot on my mind these days but really so little to write about on here. I'm not a big fan of reporting personal details of my life (friends, relationships, etc.), and that's really been the large part of my thoughts lately. Tonight especially. But, for the sake of there being nothing else to report and my discontent with the empty space in my blog from the past two weeks, I'll open up my mind a little bit for you...

Lately I've been feeling like I just don't have the ability to repair my broken relationships. I've burned so so many bridges in my life to this point, but I can't ever seem to put them back together. The worst is when it's someone that really means a lot to me, but I can't find the means (or balls?) to rekindle the relationship even if it's as simple as saying hi. I get scared I guess. And I'm not one to fear the future or the potential implications of a conscious decision. Which really makes it all the more frustrating for me.

All it takes most of the time is one call, or a 'hey, how are you?' But I can almost never bring myself to do this. I guess I need a push sometimes...or maybe I need to realize that there is too much to lose by letting an amazing person and a good friend disappear from my life altogether and just throw out everything that's keeping me from tearing down that wall...

Man I'm a little bitch sometimes.

Changes...

You probably noticed the blog has a new name, look, location...

I consider this part of the evolution of this blog, but I'm not discounting where it came from. I've left the original blog (The Anti-9to5) untouched and only transferred the most recent post to this blog. The post title is linked to the blog so you can check out older posts. Enjoy the new look.

Introducing Mud

I finished my first comic strip! Well...actually I finished it a week or two back but I haven't been able to scan it to my computer until late last week...

Anyway, the comic is called "Mud," referencing the central character in the strip. I'll get more into what the strip's all about in another post, but in short, Mud is a Charlie Brown-esque character of high morals and low...everything else. He's self-loathing, largely unsuccessful in most of his endeavors, and generally unspectacular and slightly pathetic.

As far as this first completed 6-panel goes, well, you'll see it's pretty rough and seems to me to be kind of stiff. I haven't sketched seriously in years and years, and this is my first hack at this kind of drawing. I don't know the first thing about how to make a comic strip aside from what I've read.

That being said, I'm pretty pleased with this first attempt. I've written three other strips, and I intend to start illustrating one of them this week. My understanding is that as I grow more comfortable with the characters and the style, I should be able to draw the strips a bit faster and more efficiently, so hopefully I'll have the next one up sometime next week. That remains to be seen though, as I have other creative projects I'm working on most of the time now.

Without further ado, the first installment of "Mud":



*Note: I'll try and post a little more often the rest of this month, but I can't make any guarantees as I've been keeping myself busy writing/reading/watching/running/etc. Don't get me wrong, this is a good thing, but I still like to post as often as I have interesting things to post about.

**P.S. The blog will have a new name and new look very soon, so keep a look-out!