The Hitchhiking Game

I want to relate a passage from a short story I just read recently. The story is by Milan Kundera (it’s in the collection “Laughable Loves” if you’re interested), one of my favorite authors; I can’t think of anyone who better captures the human spirit and mind as it really exists, free of romanticized thoughts and fictionalized, story-book motives. Instead, Kundera writes with a stark nakedness and truth that shows all of the insecurities and imperfections and fears that exist within the human mind (though there is an undeniable “lightness” that inexplicably parallels the unflattering portrayal of human beings).

This is particularly evident in the interaction between the people in his stories, often characterized by jealousy, selfishness, and distrust—among other unfavorable distinctions of the mind—which stem from a disconnect between actual intentions and perceived intentions combined with a stubborn, often prideful and sometimes ignorant, refusal of honest communication.

The story I mentioned, called “The Hitchhiking Game”, brilliantly captures this disconnect, showing it extending beyond interpersonal relationships; I would almost go as far as calling the disconnect an epidemic—a disease of the human spirit—as false motives are iterated to the point where they become almost indistinguishable from the truth. A person’s life, love, and work become determined by external perceptions rather than their own thoughts and desires. If this doesn’t make any sense (and I can see that without perspective it might not), you should probably just go ahead and read the story.

But first, to give you a reference point, “The Hitchhiking Game” is about a working man and his younger girlfriend of a year as they take a vacation, their first significant time spent together free of work. When they initiate a game where the girl pretends to be hitchhiker and he the stranger who picks her up, their insecurities about each other, their relationship, and their own lives are given an indirect outlet, and subsequently the two begin to realize that they really are strangers to each other and in their lives. What follows is a passage from the story that I found particularly resonant—hopefully it will provide you with a picture of some of the aforementioned ideas:

There was nothing the young man missed in his life more than lightheartedness. The main road of his life was drawn with implacable precision: his job didn’t use up merely eight hours a day, it also infiltrated the remaining time with the compulsory boredom of meetings and home study, and, by means of the attentiveness of his countless male and female colleagues, it infiltrated the wretchedly little time he had left for his private life as well; this private life never remained secret and sometimes even became the subject of gossip and public discussion. Even a two week vacation didn’t give him a feeling of liberation and adventure; the gray shadow of precise planning lay even here. The scarcity of summer accommodations in our country had compelled him to book a room in the Tatras six months in advance, and since for that he needed a recommendation from his office, its omnipresent brain thus did not cease knowing about him for even an instant.

He had become reconciled to all this, yet all the same from time to time the terrible thought of the straight road would overcome him—a road along which he was being pursued, where he was visible to everyone, and from which he could not turn aside. At this moment that thought returned to him. Through an odd and brief conjunction of ideas the figurative road became identified with the real highway along which he was driving—and this led him suddenly to do a crazy thing.

“Where did you say you wanted to go?” he asked the girl.
“To Bystrica,” she replied.
“And what are you going to do there?”
“I have a date there.”
“Who with?”
“With a certain gentleman.”

The car was just coming to a large crossroads. The driver slowed down so as to read the road signs, then turned off to the right.

“What will happen if you don’t turn up for that date?”
“[It] would be your fault, and you would have to take care of me.”
“You obviously didn’t notice that I turned off in the direction of Nove Zamky.”
“Is that true? You’ve gone crazy!”
“Don’t worry! I’ll take care of you,” said the young man.

The game all at once went into a higher gear. The sports car was moving away not only from the imaginary goal of Bystrica, but also from the real goal, toward which it had been heading in the morning: the Tatras and the room that had been reserved. Fiction was suddenly making an assault on real life. The young man was moving away from himself and from the implacable straight road, from which he had never strayed until now.

“But you said you were going to the Tatras!” The girl was surprised.
“I'm going, miss, wherever I feel like going. I'm a free man, and I do what I want and what it please me to do.”

No More Excuses

The time has come: I'm going cold turkey. Not from an addictive substance, but in the places in my life where I make the most excuses.

Exercising.
Waking up.
Eating.
Working.

My falterings in these areas of my life keep me from being as productive and strong and healthy (and happy) as I want to be. So I'm instituting some immediate changes. But first...

Where did this come from?

David Blaine.

Yes, the magician. Trust me, I'm still a little surprised myself. Let me explain. I've never been a big fan of Blaine--in fact, for the most part I go with the view that he's lame and kitschy.

Then earlier today, I ran across this video via TED (if you don't know TED, check it out...I'm a bit addicted myself). In the video, David Blaine talks about his latest stunt: trying (and succeeding) to break the world record for holding one's breath under water. He went 17 minutes. 17. Minutes. While he isn't a very good speaker by any means, it's what he said that struck a chord with me.

When I've seen or read about about all of these stunts Blaine has pulled over the years, I've never once really thought about how much work and preparation goes into everything he does, but the amount of time and effort he puts into these acts is absolutely incredible. And even more so, it's inspiring. At one point in the speech, Blaine mentions he fasted for a week before one of his stunts, as if it were a footnote. Not eating anything for seven weeks, as if it were the easiest part.

And here I am, complaining about how I can't bring myself to eat healthier. Or get out of bed early. Or exercise when I want to. Or be as productive as I want to be in my work.

Starting to see where I'm coming from? Last month I wrote a list of resolutions--not necessarily New Years' resolutions, but really more just things I want to improve in myself and in my life this in general. I've found that my biggest problem in instituting some of these changes is discipline. I make excuses in so many different parts of my life, and I lack the discipline to make the tough changes. So what do I do? I keep making excuses.

I'm sick and tired of this process. I've taken a gradual approach in the past, but I feel it is not working right now. Thus, cold turkey. I'm throwing myself right into the fire. Either that or I will drag myself tooth and nail through the fire.

Discipline is the one thing I lack which keeps me from being productive--and happy--in my life. Over the course of my life to this point, I've created this mentality, this horrible, destructive mentality, that holds me back from doing the things I want to do and achieving what I want to achieve. It's not just one area of my life or another: it's a general, contagious mentality that extends to everything I do, in some way or another. And that mentality has to change.

These changes I'm going to institute, starting tomorrow, represent drastic overhauls in some of the areas where that mentality is the worst. Specifically, those mentioned in the beginning of the post: eating, waking up, exercising and working. I won't go into what I'm doing for each, but suffice to say it will not be pleasant and it will not be easy. At all. Hopefully, it will be the wake up call I need. Hopefully, working through these changes will help me to destroy this negative mentality that's been festering in me for so long.

This will help me learn greater discipline.
This greater discipline will help me to be more productive.
This productivity will help me to lead a healthier, happier life.

And isn't that what almost everyone wants? I know it's what I want. And I'm sick and tired of waiting. Of taking baby steps. No, it's time for to whip my ass into shape, it's time for drastic measures. Sure it'll be tough, but the easy road is rarely the one worth taking. I make excuses to take that easy road. But ask David Blaine if he's making excuses when he's fasting in small glass box above London for 44 days. I'm willing to bet he isn't.

Will there be distractions? Sure. And I will probably falter many times along the way. That's normal. The good thing with some distractions is you can eliminate them. Personally, I must learn to work without certain distractions before I can learn to work with them, so I intend to take away some of these distractions while I'm undertaking these life changes: Facebook, AIM, cable television. These are a few of the distractions I will deal without for a while, at least until I get to a point where I feel I can integrate them into my life without them creating further excuses.

It's gonna be painful and it's gonna suck a lot at first, but the reward is beyond measure.

Many of the TED videos are similarly motivational, and while the David Blaine one didn't single-handedly spur this response in me, I think it made me realize what I was doing wrong and what I could do about it. If you've got the time, check out the speech. My respect for David Blaine skyrocketed. Truly motivational. Truly inspiring...thank you David Blaine.