The Hitchhiking Game

I want to relate a passage from a short story I just read recently. The story is by Milan Kundera (it’s in the collection “Laughable Loves” if you’re interested), one of my favorite authors; I can’t think of anyone who better captures the human spirit and mind as it really exists, free of romanticized thoughts and fictionalized, story-book motives. Instead, Kundera writes with a stark nakedness and truth that shows all of the insecurities and imperfections and fears that exist within the human mind (though there is an undeniable “lightness” that inexplicably parallels the unflattering portrayal of human beings).

This is particularly evident in the interaction between the people in his stories, often characterized by jealousy, selfishness, and distrust—among other unfavorable distinctions of the mind—which stem from a disconnect between actual intentions and perceived intentions combined with a stubborn, often prideful and sometimes ignorant, refusal of honest communication.

The story I mentioned, called “The Hitchhiking Game”, brilliantly captures this disconnect, showing it extending beyond interpersonal relationships; I would almost go as far as calling the disconnect an epidemic—a disease of the human spirit—as false motives are iterated to the point where they become almost indistinguishable from the truth. A person’s life, love, and work become determined by external perceptions rather than their own thoughts and desires. If this doesn’t make any sense (and I can see that without perspective it might not), you should probably just go ahead and read the story.

But first, to give you a reference point, “The Hitchhiking Game” is about a working man and his younger girlfriend of a year as they take a vacation, their first significant time spent together free of work. When they initiate a game where the girl pretends to be hitchhiker and he the stranger who picks her up, their insecurities about each other, their relationship, and their own lives are given an indirect outlet, and subsequently the two begin to realize that they really are strangers to each other and in their lives. What follows is a passage from the story that I found particularly resonant—hopefully it will provide you with a picture of some of the aforementioned ideas:

There was nothing the young man missed in his life more than lightheartedness. The main road of his life was drawn with implacable precision: his job didn’t use up merely eight hours a day, it also infiltrated the remaining time with the compulsory boredom of meetings and home study, and, by means of the attentiveness of his countless male and female colleagues, it infiltrated the wretchedly little time he had left for his private life as well; this private life never remained secret and sometimes even became the subject of gossip and public discussion. Even a two week vacation didn’t give him a feeling of liberation and adventure; the gray shadow of precise planning lay even here. The scarcity of summer accommodations in our country had compelled him to book a room in the Tatras six months in advance, and since for that he needed a recommendation from his office, its omnipresent brain thus did not cease knowing about him for even an instant.

He had become reconciled to all this, yet all the same from time to time the terrible thought of the straight road would overcome him—a road along which he was being pursued, where he was visible to everyone, and from which he could not turn aside. At this moment that thought returned to him. Through an odd and brief conjunction of ideas the figurative road became identified with the real highway along which he was driving—and this led him suddenly to do a crazy thing.

“Where did you say you wanted to go?” he asked the girl.
“To Bystrica,” she replied.
“And what are you going to do there?”
“I have a date there.”
“Who with?”
“With a certain gentleman.”

The car was just coming to a large crossroads. The driver slowed down so as to read the road signs, then turned off to the right.

“What will happen if you don’t turn up for that date?”
“[It] would be your fault, and you would have to take care of me.”
“You obviously didn’t notice that I turned off in the direction of Nove Zamky.”
“Is that true? You’ve gone crazy!”
“Don’t worry! I’ll take care of you,” said the young man.

The game all at once went into a higher gear. The sports car was moving away not only from the imaginary goal of Bystrica, but also from the real goal, toward which it had been heading in the morning: the Tatras and the room that had been reserved. Fiction was suddenly making an assault on real life. The young man was moving away from himself and from the implacable straight road, from which he had never strayed until now.

“But you said you were going to the Tatras!” The girl was surprised.
“I'm going, miss, wherever I feel like going. I'm a free man, and I do what I want and what it please me to do.”

No More Excuses

The time has come: I'm going cold turkey. Not from an addictive substance, but in the places in my life where I make the most excuses.

Exercising.
Waking up.
Eating.
Working.

My falterings in these areas of my life keep me from being as productive and strong and healthy (and happy) as I want to be. So I'm instituting some immediate changes. But first...

Where did this come from?

David Blaine.

Yes, the magician. Trust me, I'm still a little surprised myself. Let me explain. I've never been a big fan of Blaine--in fact, for the most part I go with the view that he's lame and kitschy.

Then earlier today, I ran across this video via TED (if you don't know TED, check it out...I'm a bit addicted myself). In the video, David Blaine talks about his latest stunt: trying (and succeeding) to break the world record for holding one's breath under water. He went 17 minutes. 17. Minutes. While he isn't a very good speaker by any means, it's what he said that struck a chord with me.

When I've seen or read about about all of these stunts Blaine has pulled over the years, I've never once really thought about how much work and preparation goes into everything he does, but the amount of time and effort he puts into these acts is absolutely incredible. And even more so, it's inspiring. At one point in the speech, Blaine mentions he fasted for a week before one of his stunts, as if it were a footnote. Not eating anything for seven weeks, as if it were the easiest part.

And here I am, complaining about how I can't bring myself to eat healthier. Or get out of bed early. Or exercise when I want to. Or be as productive as I want to be in my work.

Starting to see where I'm coming from? Last month I wrote a list of resolutions--not necessarily New Years' resolutions, but really more just things I want to improve in myself and in my life this in general. I've found that my biggest problem in instituting some of these changes is discipline. I make excuses in so many different parts of my life, and I lack the discipline to make the tough changes. So what do I do? I keep making excuses.

I'm sick and tired of this process. I've taken a gradual approach in the past, but I feel it is not working right now. Thus, cold turkey. I'm throwing myself right into the fire. Either that or I will drag myself tooth and nail through the fire.

Discipline is the one thing I lack which keeps me from being productive--and happy--in my life. Over the course of my life to this point, I've created this mentality, this horrible, destructive mentality, that holds me back from doing the things I want to do and achieving what I want to achieve. It's not just one area of my life or another: it's a general, contagious mentality that extends to everything I do, in some way or another. And that mentality has to change.

These changes I'm going to institute, starting tomorrow, represent drastic overhauls in some of the areas where that mentality is the worst. Specifically, those mentioned in the beginning of the post: eating, waking up, exercising and working. I won't go into what I'm doing for each, but suffice to say it will not be pleasant and it will not be easy. At all. Hopefully, it will be the wake up call I need. Hopefully, working through these changes will help me to destroy this negative mentality that's been festering in me for so long.

This will help me learn greater discipline.
This greater discipline will help me to be more productive.
This productivity will help me to lead a healthier, happier life.

And isn't that what almost everyone wants? I know it's what I want. And I'm sick and tired of waiting. Of taking baby steps. No, it's time for to whip my ass into shape, it's time for drastic measures. Sure it'll be tough, but the easy road is rarely the one worth taking. I make excuses to take that easy road. But ask David Blaine if he's making excuses when he's fasting in small glass box above London for 44 days. I'm willing to bet he isn't.

Will there be distractions? Sure. And I will probably falter many times along the way. That's normal. The good thing with some distractions is you can eliminate them. Personally, I must learn to work without certain distractions before I can learn to work with them, so I intend to take away some of these distractions while I'm undertaking these life changes: Facebook, AIM, cable television. These are a few of the distractions I will deal without for a while, at least until I get to a point where I feel I can integrate them into my life without them creating further excuses.

It's gonna be painful and it's gonna suck a lot at first, but the reward is beyond measure.

Many of the TED videos are similarly motivational, and while the David Blaine one didn't single-handedly spur this response in me, I think it made me realize what I was doing wrong and what I could do about it. If you've got the time, check out the speech. My respect for David Blaine skyrocketed. Truly motivational. Truly inspiring...thank you David Blaine.

Get Yo' Shit Together, Washington!

Lately, for whatever reason, I’ve found myself becoming a lot more interested in US politics than I think I ever have before. Despite one of my “2010 resolutions” being to follow world and domestic news more closely, I feel I’ve been gravitating towards political awareness slowly for the past couple months now.

Two nights ago, for the first time that I can remember, I watched a State of the Union Address with great interest . The entire thing—even the Republican response and post-speech commentary (well, I was cooking during parts…but still, pretty much the whole speech…).

I guess it helps that I’m basically a Democrat pretending to be an independent and I’ve been an ardent Obama-supporter essentially since he became an Illinois Senator; regardless, over the past couple of years I’ve shied away from giving regular attention to the political arena due to my distaste for its polarizing, often hypocritical and wavering nature, and I readily recognize that Obama hasn’t exactly been a knock-out success during his first year in office—in fact, I believe he’s actually been incredibly disappointing.

Why is that? Well, I think one can attribute Obama’s less-than-stellar first quarter to a few things:


1. Obama has incredible rhetoric. Of course, I’ve known Obama is a great speaker for a while now, but it was apparent more than ever during the SotU address that he is a master spinster. This is good and bad: good because he can take any argument against him or his policy and spin and contort it as to make the criticizer look like a fool and an idiot, while at the same time making him appear to be a genius (the mark of a great debater); bad because when people break down and see past his fancy words, if there’s no evidence to back them up, he’s the one who looks like an idiot, spouting out empty statements. Last year Obama delivered a lot of big words—words that a lot of people, especially independents who voted for him, saw through very easily.


2. Those damn Republicans. Even though I cared nothing for politics when the last Democratic majority occupied Congress, I believe people when they say this is perhaps the most divided, bi-partisan Congress ever. Yes, I lean towards the left, but can open-minded right-wingers (an oxymoran?) really think the stubborn refusal of Republican representatives to participate in…well, anything, is not bad for everyone--liberals and conservatives alike? I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed such unbelievable naivety and childish behavior from a group of supposedly responsible adults, much less from the people that are supposed to help run the country. I mean damn. How fucking ignorant do you have to be to think this is in the best interest of anyone (but yourself)? And representing a state and a country should in theory be about as selfless as any job could be. I guess in this economy, even congressmen are worried about losing their jobs. Ironic isn’t it, how members of Congress believe the only way to keep their jobs in an election year is to not do them? Can any other job realistically make that claim? Just taking the opposite stance because your party dogma says you must is absolutely ridiculous. The Republican Party is starting to look an awful lot like the Catholic Church.


3. Lack of experience. I don’t think Obama completely knew what he was getting into when he stepped foot into the White House. And I’m not talking about the two wars or all of the other shit he’s inherited from the previous administration. I’m talking about the growing pains of dealing with a giant microscope hovering over his head held by the entire country and a historically stubborn Republican Party fighting his every action. To be fair though, I don’t think anyone—even the most seasoned of Washington vets—could have been completely prepared for this kind of onslaught.


Thankfully though, growing pains are apparently a pretty normal thing for newly elected presidents. Just ask Bill Clinton, who’s administration in now held in high regard (by most of the country). His first year…hell, his first term, I believe, was awful shaky, and he was held reasonable for the epic failure of his effort to tackle healthcare. In this respect, Obama might even have a heads up. Firstly, he has the advantage of history: eight years of the Clinton administration to draw from certainly helps, especially in regard to the healthcare debate. It appears, from his SotU address, that he will not give up or give in, which is a testament to his determination in face of mounting odds. Secondly, despite the lack of a 60-vote “filibuster-proof” majority in Congress, people still seem to forget Obama and the Democrats still have the greatest majority in decades. Yes, decades. It is quite refreshing that Obama seems to be adopting a “filibuster-be-damned, we’re gonna get shit done anyway” mentality.

And that is the kind of mentality that came through in his address the other night. While he again made a lot of promises and big statements, in which it remains to be seen to what degree he and Congress will follow through, the biggest thing I took out of his address was his refusal to back down in any regards. He was expected to take a more populist approach in order to help his image a bit and reconnect with a lot of the public, and that is very much what he did. However, in the face of this, Obama did not compromise his agenda: by issuing a challenge to the Republican Party to basically get off their high horse and get their hands dirty and by acknowledging that he will in fact not back down in the face of seemingly drastic set-backs to the healthcare plan, he firmly established that he will not be pushed around. I even found his historically uncharacteristic criticism of the Supreme Court verdict regarding campaign ad financing to be especially encouraging. One article I read made a good point in that he was not questioning the integrity of the court, so he had every right to criticize the decision. Separation of power does not mean the decisions of one branch cannot be brought into question by another, and Obama made that abundantly clear on Wednesday.

Of course, none of this matters if Obama doesn’t deliver. He made a lot of big promises the first time around, and the hopes of the nation (along with the added pressure from him being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize) set the bar very high. In most peoples’ minds—including mine—Obama did not deliver last year. However, it is encouraging to see that he hasn’t backed down. Unless he’s just incredibly talented at duping the American public over and over again with his words, I have hope that this year he will begin to deliver on some of those promises; this is the first time I’ve heard Obama mention specific steps in a significant speech to the public, which is certainly encouraging. Regardless, the trial and training period is over, if there is such a thing for a president. I believe a lot of his original supporters and even some of his skeptics have given him the benefit of the doubt this past year despite his shortcomings and the continuing stagnation of the economy, but now the margin for error is gone--especially with elections coming up this year and the loss of the filibuster-proof majority.

But Obama cannot do this alone, which he made quite clear: “To Democrats, Obama said ‘people expect us to solve problems, not run for the hills.’ To Republicans, he cautioned that ‘just saying no to everything may be good short-term politics, but it's not leadership.’” Today, he reiterated this directly to the GOP:


“The president told House Republicans that Americans don't ‘want us to focus on our job security. They want us to focus on their job security.


‘They didn't send us to Washington to fight each other in some sort of political field cage match to see who comes out alive. That's not what they want. They sent us to Washington to work together, to get things done and to solve the problems that they're grappling with every single day.’”


Damn straight. I need a job as bad as the next unlucky recent grad (if not worse than: how does $115k in student loans sound to you?). So it’s safe to say I’ll be keeping a close eye on Washington this year. Obama’s fantastic rhetoric has once again struck a chord with me and my hopes are raised greater than ever. Now let’s see those words put into action.

Impact of Art in Haiti

If you need some reaffirmation of the importance of art, check out this CNN article about the impact of the Quake on Haitian art.

Positive Vibes

Finally something new (and positive) to write about! A new blog series should keep things fresh and regular for a while, but I'll get into that in a minute.

First, I just want to get across my excitement about the feature documentary I'm currently developing--I'm fucking ecstatic. This may seem odd, but for the first time I truly feel like I want to make this documentary. I mean, I've been wanting to make it for a long time now, but for some reason the passion hasn't always been there.

However, today - even though I had a lot on my plate (like working on finding a job...) - I got a strong urge to work on my initial proposal for the documentary. Three hours later, the proposal was finished, and an amazing thing happened: as I walked home, I felt an incredible energy just flowing through me. I knew at that moment I really wanted to dedicate myself fully to this project.

Of course, the timing is a bit bad considering the poor state of my finances and my chronically frustrating work situation--oh how I'd love if this film was my job! Regardless, it's an amazing feeling just to know that the thing I want to focus on over the next three years is something I'm truly passionate about. If it wasn't there before, it's definitely there now.

Now on to that other bit of business...

I've been a fan of Tom Waits for a few years now, but anyone familiar with the artist (and the man) knows his discography (and he himself) can be a bit intimidating. I can thank my brother Craig and my friend Andrew for infusing me with "sonic-Waits", which lead me to download his entire discography a couple months ago. And to be honest, it's so intimidating that I've barely brushed the surface since that time.

While many with knowledge of Waits will point to a few seminal albums such as "Rain Dogs"and "Swordfishtrombones", I've realized recently that it's hard to completely appreciate him until you step back and look at his evolution as a musician and as a person.

Sooo...I've decided to undertake a musical odyssey into the world of Waits! My current knowledge of Tom Waits extends to a few albums ("Real Gone", "Alice", "Rain Dogs") and various scattered songs from here and there (thanks again to Craig and Andrew). However, I want to change this.

Over the next few months, I will listen to the entire Tom Waits discography in chronological order. Now, I'm not just talking about playing each album a couple times on my morning commute. No, I intend to delve into each album as I would with any new, highly anticipated CD I might buy (*/download*). And the best part...after I get through each album I'm going to report my thoughts here, on this very blog!

Why am I doing this? Well, I look at it as a kind of musical experiment. I feel like one of the big factors that scares a lot of people (including myself) away from certain artists is their prolific output and/or extensive catalog. "Best Of" compilations help with this, but they are only a small snapshot of the artist they attempt to accurately depict. Could you capture the essence of a city in a single photograph? Or twelve?

Van Morrison, Elvis Costello, Dennis Brown (!), Leonard Cohen...these are just a few of the artists I'm incredibly attracted to but have largely avoided delving into simply because of their incredible output (or in the case of Cohen, just not knowing where to start). Should that be an excuse though? I don't think so, and since Tom Waits tops everyone on this list for me, I intend to suck it up and run the gamete.

First up, 1973's "Closing Time"....

*Note: Due to the sheer epicness (not a word) and unpredictable time-table for this experiment (as opposed to the systematic approach of my "Top 25 Films of the Decade" series), the length between updates for this blog series may be anywhere from a few days to several weeks. Basically, don't hold your breath. Not to worry though (if there are actually people who regularly read this blog) - due to this irregularity I will still continue on with unrelated entries in the gaps between Tom Waits updates. In fact, watch out for that "Avatar" post I mentioned in my last entry. Fitting I think, considering Cameron's ode to the Smerfs just passed his own "Titanic" for the highest grossing film of all time ($1.84 billion)....in seven. fucking. weeks. Unbelievable. Titantic? Try 40.

Previews

I realize the blog has sort of bogged (I love that word) down over the past few weeks. The creative side of my brain tends to run in random, often inconvenient cycles, and this really hasn't corresponded well with my schedule.

That being said, I do have several new entries brewing, which I will hopefully post over the next couple of weeks (though I'll be quite busy I will make an effort to find some time).

In particular look out for the following:

-An entry about "Avatar" and the divides between filmmaker/non-filmmaker and between filmmakers themselves in regard to movie expectations and experience.

-An entry about how the creative process relates to knowledge and how that can create a never-ending slippery slope of creative discontent and lethargy (see: me).

-More "Mud"! (by now most of you have no idea what I'm talking about, but I intend to be more diligent about pursuing creative endeavors this year--drawing in particular)

Of course, if you know me (or have read any of my other promises in previous blog entries) then you have every reason to be skeptical. But thankfully this is, A. my blog so it doesn't matter because I don't have deadlines, and (more importantly) B. it's a new year and I'm making some big changes so...

...Look out for some good readin'!

Some recent thoughts

In no particular order:

• I wish I was really fucking good at pool
• My stubbornness is truly a gift and a curse--and that's apparent now more than ever
• It's amazing how much my life has been affected for the better by someone close to me once telling me that I wasn't challenging enough
• I really want to write a Spider Man script
• I wish Terry Gilliam would get his due
• I'm completely fascinated with the theory of Morphic Resonance (which I found out about from a comic book)
  
• If I could freely volunteer to be sent to Haiti to help I would go in a heartbeat
• I hate that it takes these catastrophic events for countries around the world to band together in a common effort to save and preserve lives, regardless of differences...
• ...but it gives me hope that so many have so quickly responded to this horrible event--if only that kind of resolve would stick when nature is at peace
• I'm reallllly looking forward to having a place of my own (soon I hope)
• I'm so confused about what I should be feeling in regard to some of the closest friendships
• My hair needs to grow faster
• I wish the world in Avatar was real just so I could fly on a fucking dragon
  
• Physical therapy just feels like I'm making my injury more obvious (and more painful)
• I'm finding that money is best spent on things that are immediately gratifying rather than personal possessions
• I feel like my heart is expiring; it's hard to believe I've gone this long without feeling anything. All these years of building walls is making them harder and harder to tear down. I even wonder if there's anything behind them anymore...or maybe I've just forgotten. Either way, I wish all the strength in the world to the girl who tries to bring them down a find out. She'll probably need it.
  
• I really want to date a hipster chick just once to see how ridiculous it is. (and so I can go to Dan Deacon concerts and not feel like I just walked into a cult ritual)
  

If you're wondering, my mind is usually this random.

(*I realize I've been writing about myself a lot lately, which is something I kind of hate doing a lot. Hopefully it's just a passing phase. Don't worry, after this I'll stop being narcissistic for a while. Thank god.)